Cancer Stories

Breast cancer

October 27th, 2006

My Breast Cancer experience……
I was 37 years old when I was diagnosed with breast cancer August of 2003. My mother had it around nine years earlier but I never thought it would happen to me, at least not in my thirty’s.  
I had no lump, just went for my regular yearly mammogram and they saw some calcifications on my right breast.  Did a ultrasound followed by a breast MRI, they said there was something there and suggested a fine needle biopsy, several days later the doctor called me in and bluntly and coldly said to me that I had cancer and needed to have my breast removed right away.

The shock was overwhelming as he gave me no options, so here I am crying and thinking I am going to die soon. My life literally flashed before my eyes, at the end of his speech the only good thing he said was that he would me a copy of all my record and I can seek a second opinion. Well, thank God for that.

Next day I made an appointment with a surgeon in Englewood. Surgeon was recommended by a friend of my sister-in-law who had been-there-done-that and praised that surgeon. She was right; the surgeon was great, he review everything and gave me several options, the main being to save my breast as the tumor was still very small but growing fast.  Surgery day was schedule for September 19, 2003.  My husband, my daughter and my mother where by my side at the hospital. I had a partial mastectomy with lymph node dissection, the lymph node was negative, estrogen/progesterone receptor positive meaning that my cancer was being fed by my e/p and aggressive (fast growing). For some reason after surgery and for the next several months I was very cold all the time, just had the chills. I was scared to death of being in surgery but put up a great front and try to look calm for the family, guess this is normal as everyone going through this has said the same thing. Recovery was tough but I did a lot of praying and that kept my mind busy, the support from family, friends and coworkers was out of this world, I cannot thank everyone enough. 

A friend sent me an email and at the bottom of the email there was an short prayer and I though that it was the most beautiful and appropriate thing I had seen, because now more than ever I needed God by my side “Lord I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus name”. I typed it and put it up everywhere, mirrors, in my car, everywhere my eyes looked, I was set on memorizing this short prayer. Shortly after, I did memorize it but then I could not stop myself from hearing it in my mind, it was wonderful, I just kept repeating it.

I immediately went into fix mode. I was not going to accept this cancer. I was busy praying and trying to look strong.   I did not want anyone to know how I was really feeling so writing things down and telling it to God gave me an outlet to express my feelings, thoughts and fears. This is why I am able to recall most of the details here as I was writing everything down.

The next step was to see an oncologist. He came highly recommended by my Surgeon. But learning from past experience, I opted to go for a second opinion. Both oncologists suggested the same treatment so I opted to stay with the one my Surgeon recommended. My oncologist recommended 4 cycles of chemotherapy every three weeks, using Adriamycin and Cytoxan (a.k.a. Red Devil) followed by 26 treatments of radiation. While still working full time, I had planned everything, I would take several days off to do the chemo and rest for the weekend.

First Chemo: Wednesday November 26, 2003, day after my 38^th birthday and day before Thanksgiving I had a port-a-cath installed in my chest to make the process of the chemo easier on my hard-to-find veins. My husband as usual was by my side at the hospital. The same day I was to start my first chemo, they took me in to surgery and installed the port, when I woke up I was already hooked up to the IV that would deliver the chemo. Within the hour of getting chemo my heart started to race, I felt that my heart was going to come out of my chest, I thought I was having a heart attack, I panic and told the nurse, right away they came and in and hooked me to an EKG. My heart was ok; I guess it was my body reacting to the harsh chemicals, and I mean HARSH.
I spent most of that day at the hospital, when I got home I felt drugged up and not too good but managed. Following day Thanksgiving Day had to go back to Hospital to get a shot of Neulasta which would build my blood count so that I would not develop anemia.  Afterward we had a beautiful dinner at my sister’s house which as much as I tried to enjoy was just not the same as I wanted to be home in bed but managed to stay a bit and enjoy. By Friday I was feeling worse, horrible, nausea, fatigue beyond words; every bone in my body ache and I had a huge headache, even my teeth and gums were aching. The smells bothered me (food, perfumes, lotions, etc.) and I had no taste in my mouth, therefore even water was nauseating to me. By December 3^rd I had develop mouth sores, constipation and break out of pimples in my chin and neck and all of my hairs were completely gone. I was hoping to feel better by Monday and go back to work but that was not the case, my body needed two more days and by Wednesday of the following week I was able to get out and drive without feeling that I would be a danger to myself and to others on the road.   

I was prepared for my hair to start coming out within 14 days, so within the second week of my first chemo I planned to cut it very short so I would not have to deal with hair falling out everywhere. My husband and daughter took turns in shaving all of my hair off; we made it a family affair. I was truly ok being bald as I knew this was temporary and it would grow back. I had bought a wig and used it maybe two times but did not like how it felt (hot, uncomfortable, etc.) so I got different color bandanas and that’s what I wore for the next several months. While I was ok being bald, deep inside I felt striped of something and felt a bit uncomfortable at looking at the mirror and did not want my family to see me bald at first so I would sleep with the bandana on. Throughout all of this my faith grew and grew and I pray a lot and I thanked God every minute of every day for guiding me and giving me the strength that I needed to get through this. The memory loss was the most awful thing, I was writing notes to remind me of things, but I would forget that I wrote the note in the first place if I did not put it in a place that I would constantly be looking in. 

Second chemo: December 17, 2003, as usual my husband was with me, instead of the hospital I was getting the chemo at my oncologist office. I sat down, got comfortable and my husband was with me in the room. Three weeks had gone by since my installation of the port and by this time the skin was healing and scabbing, therefore when the nurse came over and tried to stick the needle into the port through my skin, I sought God, it was the most horrendous pain I had felt, I start to cry and called out to God, my husband who was there lowered his head and had tears on his eyes, as there was nothing he could do to help me accept be there for me. Once the nurse pushed the needle through it was ok. Friday I had to go back to office to get my shot of Neulasta. Felt dizzy and light headed for the next couple of days, some nausea, a lot of fatigue, just want to be in bed could not get up, slept all day long for two to three days. I started getting a lot of heartburn after eating whatever I managed to eat and more painful mouth sores. Also by this time the constipation had gotten worse I could not have a bowel movement for about three days after the chemo and when I manage to have a bowel movement it was bloody.

Third Chemo: January 7, 2004 the needle did not hurt as it did the last time. Spoke to the doctor about the symptoms of the last chemo and he suggested taking Zantax for the heartburn, it made it better. Rinsed my mouth with hydrogen peroxide and it cleared my mouth sores faster. Everything else was basically the same except more intense, dizzy and light headed for the next couple of days, had some nose bleeds for a while which was strange as I never had a nose bleed, my eyes were very dry and blurry, all day and night on Sunday a lot of nausea and some vomiting, a very nasty taste of LED in my mouth which made the food taste awful, a lot of fatigue, throughout all of this my faith kept me going and did as much praying and talking to God as I could, asking Him to give the strength needed to get through this, but by this time I felt depleted, the accumulative effect of the chemo was getting worse and worse. By Sunday night I broke down and cried like I had not done in a long time as I felt like I was so close to death. The feeling was indescribable, but all along there is my husband holding me, I remember tell him as I cried that I could not do this anymore, that I would call the doctor on Monday and tell him that I was not going to take the last chemo, as I had no more strength to do this again. I just felt horrible. I still continue to praying as this is what kept me going.

January 17, 2004 was feeling better and the family was visiting at my cousin’s house because her brother and daughters were coming for the first time to the US from Dominican Republic. All was well, talking in the kitchen with the ladies just goofing, then all of the sudden a bolt of lighting, as I felt it, went through my chest so strong that it literally picked me off of my chair, in the meantime everyone was asking me if I was ok, but I could not speak, I started to cry but it was not a sad cried, it was a peaceful cry, and as I am crying this soothing, soft heat was slowly rising from my chest as something that was coming out of me. I had never experience anything like this but I felt such peace within. In the meantime the ladies are all over me fanning me and I am signaling that I am not hot to stop doing that but they did not understand me as I still was unable to speak. This all happen in a matter of maybe a minute or two, just as quickly as it came it quickly dissipate. When I was able to speak and get up from the chair I walked to a window and thanked God for being with me all this time and allowing me to feel His presence through the Holy Spirit. We stayed for a while with the family and afterwards went home; as soon as I was in my room I knelt down and prayed. I truly believe that on this day I was visited by the Holy Spirit and I will never forget the experience.

Fourth chemo: January 28, 2004 last chemo, lets celebrate or not, every symptom from previous chemo was basically the same except more intense, dizzy and light headed for the next couple of days, my eyes were very dry and blurry started using tears from a bottle, Sunday night into Monday morning was horrible a lot of nausea and more vomiting, no strength at all, on a scale from one to ten I felt that my energy was about a three, to be generous. The nasty taste of LED in my mouth which made the food taste awful was even worse by now. Praying kept me focused on getting through this and directing my energy to something else other than what I was actually feeling.

Once the chemo was finished, I had to get through 6 weeks of radiation everyday Monday-Friday because I’d had the partial mastectomy. With the breast conserving surgery there is always the chance of micro-metastasis. Having radiation should kill any cancer cells that are left.

Had February to recoup but had other appoints pending. I was tested for both BRCA1 and BRCA2 which assesses a woman’s risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer based on detection of mutations in the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes. My results were inconclusive. Researchers know that mutations in these genes may lead to breast cancer, but not all the mutations are mapped. Some mutations may lead to breast cancer, other mutations have no potential problems, and some like me, inconclusive, are not sure what these mutations mean.

February 27, 2004 I began taking Tamoxifen for the next five years, a low dose chemo in pill form that interferes with the activity of estrogen. Estrogen promotes the growth of breast cancer cells. Tamoxifen works against the effects of estrogen on these cells. It is often called an “anti-estrogen.” As a treatment for breast cancer, the drug slows or stops the growth of cancer cells that are present in the body. As adjuvant therapy, Tamoxifen helps prevent the original breast cancer from returning and also helps prevent the development of new cancers in the other breast. Some of the side effects of Tamoxifen are similar to some of the symptoms of menopause, hot flashes, irregular menstrual periods, headaches, fatigue, nausea and/or vomiting. After all I have been through, I need more of this?? Once I started had some nausea and lots of hot flashes, had to practically carry a fan with me everywhere.

March 5, 2004 my husband drove me to the hospital to get the port out of my chest, I did not know until I was in the operating room that I was not going to be put to sleep as taking the port out only took several minutes. My surgeon explained what was going to happen and proceeded to locally anesthetized my chest, I was not prepared for this, while I was not in any pain because of the anesthesia, I was still dramatized by hearing what was going on and the awful smell of my flesh, as he used a laser beam to open the skin and remove the port. It all took about 10 minutes but to me it felt like eternity as I prayed and cried, cried and cried…….  
March 16, 2004 had a colonoscopy. All was well with my colon, guess the constipation and bloody stool was due to the harsh chemo.  Once again I was going to get through this while working, so I spoke to my boss and opted to have the last appointment of the day in order to go to work and leave around 2 pm and be at the hospital by 3-3:30 pm.  I began my radiation treatments on March 17, 2004. Everything was feeling somewhat normal as far as my routine was going; my hair was starting to slowly grow back. Two weeks and a half after I started radiation I decided that I needed a break from it all. My husband and I decided to take a trip I always wanted to take but had not done so in the past, Las Vegas, Nevada. Within days I planned the trip for the both of us and my daughter. I spoke to my doctor and he was not happy about me postponing 3 straight days of radiation but he understood that I needed the break so off we went on April 7 to Las Vegas for 4 days. Along with my daughter and husband I enjoyed myself as much as I could and we had a great time.

Radiation continued and by the 4 or 5^th weeks of treatment my right breast was beginning to burn really bad. The pain was excruciating, throughout the day my bra would stick to the raw skin and when I try to peel it off it was just plain agonizing. It was hard to sleep as I was tired of sleeping on my left side but I could not be on my right side as it was very painful. I tried pure aloe from a plant I had in my house and it felt soothing for the most part, but like most things it works for a while, I spoke to my doctor and he prescribe a lotion to put on my poorly burn breast and that made it better.  It started to clear up about two weeks after I finished treatment sometime in May 2004.

With the end of treatment instead of joy came sadness, all of my emotions that were suppressed throughout all came rushing out and my feelings were raw and intense and it was making me feel crazy. My emotions changed from minute to minute, scared, hopeful, sad, mad, confused, what next? I didn’t want anyone to know how I really was feeling. I put on my smile, but when I was alone, I cried a lot. I was somewhat prepared for all the physical symptoms of this disease, but I was not prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride.  I took 8 months off from work on disability which gave the chance to cry even more while I was sitting at home doing nothing but I needed the rest and slowly I started to feel somewhat like my self, I knew that I would never be the same person as I was prior to my diagnosis. One major change in my life was that I was able to appreciate life and the little things it has to offer and not take my family for granted and tell them that I love them more often. I don’t get angry with people like I use to, I have learned to appreciate each person that comes my way just as they are.

I visit my oncologist every three months and have my regular mammogram and breast MRI test done every year and by the grace of God all is well. There is always that deep down fear it could happen again. I hear stories of many women that have recurrences but I have surrendered it to God. His will be done, not mine. We are all at risk for cancer and must take precautions. We can not live our life in fear of this disease, but we can take steps to prevent and if there is a positive diagnosis, meet it head on in battle with a positive attitude of winning. A positive attitude is a major part of the healing process. I remember telling people after my surgery and even today that I “had” cancer rather than I “have” because I was not willing to give cancer any control over my body is if it was still residing in me.
I don’t want to ever forget my experience with cancer because that would cause me to be unappreciative of my health today. Today I choose to live in joy and not take it for granted for I have no control of what might come tomorrow.

Entry Filed under: Survival Stories